[x]

My DadWhen I was little, my dad was a superlative.

He was the strongest, the bravest, the most the best. No man could compete with him. He didn't just set the bar, no, my dad was the bar. He could do no wrong in my big youthful eyes.

When I became a teenager, my dad was nothing but wrong.
His expectations: wrong.
Means of discipline: wrong.
Opinions of my boyfriends: wrong.
And it was hard to understand how a man of such great stature could take such a fall. Especially to such a smart daughter like me, who was above the petty "ugh, my parents suck!" complaints of a typical teen. I, who searched for a higher understanding, could not possibly be at

RepetitionWhat's the point of a heart?

That it beats with all of its might within your ribs, pounding at your lungs until you can't breathe? That it stops every time something bothers the weakly firing neurons up past the rivers of your veins?

What does it pump through your weary limbs but the icy cold blood that's trudging from your broken valves? They weep and sigh and cut themselves off in a tragic mobius twist. And without an end, what purpose does that familiar slamming and throbbing have?

Just to remind you that it's there, one would think.

Or maybe the point of the heart is to bleed what it receives. To keep the fluid flowing. Just to keep t

Godly Relationships 7: Shared ValuesIf you're still searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, be patient, be prudent, and be picky. Look for someone whose values you respect, who behavior you approve of, and whose faith you admire. Remember that appearances can be deceiving and tempting. And when it comes to the important task of building a lifetime relationship with the guy or girl of your dreams, pray about it!
If you happen to be one of those very lucky ones who has already fallen madly in love with the same wonderful person who has already fallen madly in love with you, say a great thanks to the Matchmaker in heaven. But if you haven't yet found a soul-mate who honors both you and G

You Are Already PerfectI hung up the phone and look down at the ground before looking up into my mirror.
Why do you like me?
Why do you love me?
You could have a million other girls, I’ve seen them look at you, so why me?
What’s so good about me?
Nothing.
I’m so ugly.
Why don’t you go off with someone who’s beautiful?
No, I don’t want you to leave me but I want you to be with someone who is good for you.
The only things that are beautiful on me are these lines.
All these red lines.
I’m so sick.
No I don’t like doing this but…
I guess I have no answer actually.
I walk to the bathroom and quietly close the d

My Best FriendI Can Never Tell You

There are so many things I wish I could say, but alas words can never seem to be enough…I know you’ll never read this, but then again, is that even the point?
I know you probably don’t even understand all you do to begin with, so it won’t really matter, because you’ll remain the same. You are, truly the best friend a person could have, the way you always listen, without any kind of judgment, you’re always there, and if you weren’t, well…I don’t really have much to say about that. You always seem to know if something is wrong, and you’re just there to help me

AffectionI miss affection.

I miss having the off chance of being hugged or even kissed when the moments were right.

I don’t like that it’s been so long since I’ve had that.

I think I deserve to have it, but I don’t get it.

I mean, we’re all human, we’re supposed to be able to thrive on social interaction and occasionally have meaningful relations through touch.

But I never got that out of either of my parents.

My father always asked why I recoiled back when he’d touch me or go near me; it’s because
I wasn’t used to him actually reaching out to me that way.

My mother was worse at it; I can c

Animal Rights Quote 4True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore only when its recipient has no power. Mankind's true moral test, its fundamental test (which lies deeply from view), consists of its attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect mankind has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that all others stem from it.
~ Milan Kundera

SinkingThe tears sting more
When they refuse to fall
Hot, salty bullets of anguish.
Assaulting my eyes
As I try to forget.

I wake, like a brick wall
It's there in front of me,
Even in dreams,
I cannot escape.

Surrounded by people
I still feel lonely,
Drowning, suffocating in
The tormentor's shroud.

They don't see me,
I'm not even there.
Not really.
The happiness ended long ago.
I cannot reach the air above.
Sinking, falling, leaving.

Will I ever be visible again?
To even myself?
The cruel mirror lies,
It's image of an empty shell,
Its not me.
I'm not there.
I am broken.
Save me.
Please.

Rant 15: LOLPlease let me use _____. Hasbro told me _______.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

If you're gonna lie, at LEAST make it convinicing! Oh my god, that's the best excuse I've heard to date. Good lord, did you really think I was gonna fall for that? Oh my god, people are IDIOTS.

Industrialized MindIndustrialized Mind

Turn it off.

It's the silence that eats away at your battery ripping into your bronze armor, drinking your oil.

During the day it's so easy to forget the long dark nights because people make so much noise. It's like an information overload. But when the day sinks into everlasting dusk the dead feeling beckons you, sticking to your skin like a crystallized blast freezer.

And then it begins.

The silence.

But it is never truly silent.

Every file is being analyzed, the gears are turning in your head as the machine belches smoke consuming the wilder land of your inner solace. Everything that has ever made you happy is no

For My Girlfriend, The Love of my LifeDear Tori,
Every time I am near you, my heart beats faster and faster. You always make me happy when I'm down, and I thank you for making my life enjoyable. I love how amazing you are, and how you always bring a smile to my face. Your hugs are warm, your kisses are sweet. I love you with all my heart, and all my soul. Truly, words can not express my love for you. I am glad to have such an angel for a girlfriend, for she is beautiful, smart, funny, and pretty much amazing at everything. If your life was ever in danger, I would save you in a heartbeat. You have done so much for me, and I can't thank you enough. It would take me over a decade just to thank you for all the amazing stuff you've done for me.
My life before I met you was a living Hell. I was going downhill fast and I wanted to die. Then I met you, the most perfect person on the face of the world. After talking to you, I immediately knew that we were going to make the greatest of friends. Later on,

Father

My father is an ambulance. One of those old ambulances, the ones that have seen everything and are still running perfectly. The ambulance has faded paint, and numerous scratches that it has made little attempt to cover. The ambulance does not try to hide what it has done, and the things it has seen, but it does not go and broadcast such knowledge either. It simply drives around, and helps. Its interior is worn, and obviously well used. The tools and bandages are all arranged neatly in their spaces, well secured so as not to fall or get stolen. The seats in the cab are plain leather. Sturdy, long lasting, and strong. Constantly going around lo

Embersthe embers die
darkness murders the shadows
stretch
shake blood matted fur
snear
only cut deep enough
to prove life

lope forward
trail branches
continue forward
my own path
nothing to fear
dull vision through the gaze
of the broken

The effects of anti-gay bullyingHey, do you know that kid? Yeah, that boy who was being bullied. He shot himself. It's a shame, too, he was going to go to Yale and become a doctor. Problem was, he was gay.

Disgusting pigs.

Hey, do you remember that girl who was beat to death by her best friend? Yeah, she was so nice, she always tried to donate to charity. No one took her money though, because she was gay.

Attention-seekers.

Hey, remember that guy who protected you from that bully? He had a broken leg yet he helped you. He wanted to be a famous athlete. No one thought he could do it, because he was gay.

Queer.

Hey, remember that soldier? Yeah, he was taking care of thr

What Defines Ugly?People look in the mirror countless times everyday, but how many can look in the mirror and love what they see? Human beings are constantly comparing themselves to pictures in magazines, which host photos of near-perfect looking celebrities and models. We want to be perfect too. They compare themselves with these pictures and what the media demands, and automatically come to the conclusion that since they‘re not what the media has labeled beautiful, they‘re different; they have to be ugly.

But what defines ‘ugly’? Is it your skin versus theirs that have been covered in makeup? Is it your body versus theirs that have b

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Your Hands and Heart with Mine, Trust is Failing

by ~lastendingconductor, Feb 16, 2013, 2:59:59 AM
Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

Your Hands and Heart with Mine, Trust is Failing

As I sit here staring at your face, I see something behind those eyes of yours. A flicker of discontent and boredom has infiltrated our stage. The dreams of peaches and old records have now faded into a twisted sense of misplacement of feeling. As I look at those hands of yours that try to grip mine I instinctually knock them away. I have seen this scene before; when you tell me I will be here with you. I try so hard to believe you, but in the past someone has stolen those sacred words from you and tore them, defied them with there actions.

I can’t believe you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. You were completely destroyed in my eyes before you came to exist. They have taken the starlight that was in your eyes. I can’t see the good you can do for me, because I’m scared that it will hurt again. Like the stray cat, if you hurt me I can never come home to your smiling face. I won’t see the kindest you give and your innocence will be defiled by my superstitious delusions. I was abused with the hands and heart that held mine; please don’t think bad of me if I tear yours from mine.

I wish to stay with you, but I know soon it will take over like all the others. The bonds I have cultivated will end up dying anyway, so why do I try? I wish to see a world where happiness flows like milk and honey, just like from the story books I read. Without fail though, I get blood and tears. It’s not your fault though, its mine. You don’t need this please you should leave, abandon me. I cause you nothing but headaches and more work anyway. Its alright though okay, because if I could, I’d leave me too.

Your Hands and Heart with Mine, Trust is Failingby ~lastendingconductor

Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

Since my abuse, I always find making and trusting friends to be really hard. Right now there are a few friends that I'm finding really hard to trust. I don't know why though, they've done nothing wrong.

I hate that feeling of mistrust

~ithaswhatitisnt Feb 16, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

I have trust issues, too. I have been hurt by many, and though I want to believe people when they say they're different, 99.9% of the time, they're not different. I'm glad I've met everyone I have on here, and it's a little bit easier, because people here...they DO understand.

I like the line "They have taken the starlight that was in your eyes". That's a beautiful line.

~lastendingconductor Feb 16, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

I'm glad I'm not alone on this, it makes me very happy. I too am glad that deviantart is here, the people here are so kind and understanding. I wish the world was like deviantart, humanity could learn so much from it. I hope one day we can trust more easily, there are people who will try to take advantage, but we must try and be resilient. Thank you so much for your kind words.

~ithaswhatitisnt Feb 16, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

You're very welcome!

~Gale-OneOfMany Feb 16, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

I have a terrible time trusting people as well. I don't truly have a reason for it, it is just who I am. Beautifully done again.

~lastendingconductor Feb 16, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

That how I feel to, unfortunately mental mechanisms such as repression influences you more than you know. Abuse children with repression can't make bonds with people very easy, and when they do the bonds can break very easily. I'm glad I'm writing beautifully

Thank you again!!!!!

~Gale-OneOfMany Feb 16, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Yes, I have seen it's influence and it is a very powerful one. You are more than welcome

~badenstern Feb 16, 2013

it's only one thing to do with trust.
if someone trust you.
be honest.
if someone betrays you....
be strong.
good luck
we are a lot like you.

*ruinedwriting Feb 16, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

That feeling is natural. Don't fight it. When you fight what you feel it gets worse every time instead of going away. When things like this happen it's just a sign of change be it big or small. If you letting friends go is what you need to do then don't be afraid of it. The fact is, you're never alone.

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